What Others Don't See

February 3, 2021

While scrolling our most recent family photos, I pause on the ones of Kyle and I. In them, we’re laughing and smiling, even cuddled up in an embrace. While thinking about which one to post, I was immediately struck by how happy we were in the photos, yes, but also how deceiving that could make our relationship seem to others on the outside looking in.
And it crossed my mind that just a short 18 months earlier, Kyle and I walked through the hardest season of our marriage to date. It was the first time the thought of living apart from one another ever seriously crossed my mind. It was a season of sitting with pain, getting honest, bearing hard truths, and offering apologies and promises of something different. Something new.

There were tears and sleepless nights. Exposing deep wounds. There were therapy sessions, honest ongoing conversations without taking offense, and friends who prayed over us when we didn’t have the words or the strength to believe the good for ourselves.
And this is the lie that sometimes permeates social media: The lie that someone else’s life and marriage is perfect. Ideal. When that’s simply not the case.
Kyle and I love each other as imperfect people who both brought baggage to our relationship that needed to be exposed and addressed. And we’re still working on it.
So why do I tell you all of this? Because I know some of you are in a hard spot right now. And maybe no one knows what you’re going through. Maybe others have voiced their concerns and you aren’t sure where to start. Maybe you’re too embarrassed to reach out.

Can I tell you in the most loving way, friend, that sometimes we need the guidance and listening ear of others to grow and be better. Therapists and counselors are amazing at helping us do the hard work. Sometimes medication is needed.
No matter what, I know you were not meant to walk through a hard season alone. God is near. And he uses others to help us find healing. Wholeness. Deeper relationships with loved ones.

This year, let’s look at the places in our lives that need to be addressed and do the hard work to get help. And even more importantly, to be healed. We’re praying for you, friend.


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