We all Need Grown-Up Girlfriends

February 12, 2018

I have been blessed with a core group of friends since my early 20s. Brought to me through the love and prayers of my sister Katrina, I’ve known the richness of women who’ve walked with me these past several years.

So imagine my surprise when, last fall, Jasmine joined a competition dance team—something she is passionate about—and I found new friends. Good friends. They didn't replace my old friends; I have room in my life and heart for both. Friends I didn’t even know that I was missing until I met them. 

They are friends who don’t care that you aren’t perfect. Who step in to help you with your daughter's hair because they’re so much better at it than you are, anyway. Who make all the hotel arrangements, and bring the drinks, and tell you not to worry when you forget something because they’ve got your back. Women who offer to sew things for you (because your sewing skills are seriously inept), who text you recipes and tips for cooking.

Women who let you be you. Imperfectly you. 

This is a gift. 

Women who laugh with you. Who listen to hard stories. Who welcome your family and distant family members and don’t ask too many questions. Who hold your daughter's tender secrets.

And can I tell you something?

I don’t think these women are uncommon. I don’t think they’re an exception to some womanly rule. I think that these women are far more common than we realize.

We’ve bought into the lie for too long that says women must be competitive and catty. That we must tear each other down to get ahead. That we must go it alone.

And although there are certainly women out there who fit these descriptions—we’ve all had unfortunate experiences with women who behaved that way—I think they are much more the exception than the rule. 

There are so many more of us that want to build relationships with others. We want to connect and encourage each other and love well. We want this for us, and we want this for our daughters.

No longer will we stand by while womanhood—sisterhood—gets a bad rap.

We’ll stand with and for each other. We'll cheer each other on and share in one another's stories. And we'll do it all knowing little eyes are watching us, observing our behavior, and learning to love their own young friends well.

We'll do it because we know that we need each other. Because we know that our lives are richer for the women who come alongside us and fill in our gaps. Because we’re better together.

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