When You Feel Homesick

April 24, 2017

The clock reads 12:15 a.m…then 1:15 a.m…now 2:30 a.m., and I lay here, still awake. Unable to sleep
since waking with one of the kids who needed to use the restroom. Unusual for me, as I am typically able to fall back to sleep quickly, but tonight my mind begins to race with all the changes coming to our lives.

I wonder about where we’re moving, if it’s right. As I toss and turn and fret, a familiar feeling begins to rise in my chest, a fear, yes, but more than that, an ache. A familiar homesickness that sends me back to moments and memories of childhood where I longed for nothing more than to hug my mother's neck, smell her familiar scent, and know at once that I was home.

Home. A place you feel loved and known and know well yourself. For me, home has always afforded me comfort and safety. And this unsettledness, this homesickness I feel—can’t be shaken anymore by the embrace of my mother. Now I am the mother, loving my children, calming their fears.

But homesickness rises in me just the same and, as silent tears slip down my cheeks, I find myself whispering to God, “I just want to feel like I am home again.”

And in the quiet of these early morning hours, a soft response comes, “I’d like to be your home.”

I think about this response. Letting the words linger and seep deep into my mind and heart. What could it mean for my life if I allowed myself to truly and completely find myself at home with Christ alone?

How freeing would it be to not need to feel so tied, so settled to a specific place or physical address, to know that I could go and be and do, anywhere in the world—and yet always know that I was home? That security and familiarity were never more than a prayer away. To feel wrapped in a love so well known, so familiar, it had a faint scent your senses remembered. To never feel homesick again.

“This is what I want,” I respond, even as the ache of homesickness continues, for now anyway. “I want my home to forever be in you.”

And as I say the words, I slip into sleep.

It’s been several days and I can’t shake this conversation, so profound and revolutionary to me, this idea of my home truly being found in God and not in this world. And it is freeing me from my fears. Releasing tethers in my mind that tie me to a specific place. Little by little, homesickness is letting go of me as I grasp on to Christ in this season.

As I daily find myself calling back to God, “you are my home.”

Ponder: Can you relate to Kendra's feelings of homesickness? Are there things in your life that aren't quite settled, that you are still waiting for answers for or are in need of a resolution of sorts?

Pray: Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Take a few moments this week to pray these words, this promise back to God. Remind yourself of who he is and what he has promised each of us.

Act: Today, as those harder emotions come up, take a moment to bring them to God in prayer instead of just ruminating about them in your own mind.

We are SO excited to announce that our new book Grace for the Misfits: 31 Days Pursuing the Unconventional Favor of God, is available now! This book will offer encouragement and hope for anyone who has ever felt like they didn’t quite fit in, walked through hard times, or wasn’t sure God could use them--all while discovering the upside-down ways of Jesus, his kingdom, and what (and who) he says matters. This book will make the perfect gift for yourself or someone you know (Mother’s Day is right around the corner!). Find out more information here.

Today we are once again linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Holley Gerth.


  1. Thank you so much for sharing these words, tonight. This verse has been an important one through the years for me: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." It was so good to be reminded of it again, and to remember that truly HE is our forever Home! I'm blessed to be your neighbor over at #TellHisStory!

    1. That has always been a favorite verse of mine as well! Thanks for stopping by :)

  2. Indeed, he IS home.
    (And congrats on your book...!)

  3. I can so relate. Being home as a child was the best, but it is hard to believe I am the one who is supposed to create that feeling now. If only I could truly feel this way with God. Something new to pray for!

    1. I'm right there with you! I've been praying that I can grasp God's love more fully :)

  4. Can definitely relate to that feeling of homesickness. When we moved to the States with my husband's job many years ago. I left part of my heart behind at home. I've had to learn that God is my home too. In some ways it's hard, because I want what other people have - familiarity, family and friends around to make me feel secure. In another way, it's quite freeing and taught me to live differently - not to hold onto possessions but to value relationships, and rely on God more.

    1. I love this Rachel, I can only imagine what it'd be like to move to a completely different country, I think it's true, we always leave a piece of ourselves behind, I'm learning to lean into the freedom of finding my home in Christ too.