I know that this is not ideal. I know that in a perfect world all parents would be able to care for their children. That things like addiction, poverty, and death would never hinder one’s ability to care for their family members.
And in some ways I am sorry that this has not been your story. In some ways I am sorry you had to go through the process of being placed in a new family, new environment, new life. I am sorry for the transition. And the change. And the insecurities it brings. I am sorry you question things about who you are. Your value and worth. I am sorry you wonder if you really fit, are truly loved. I’m sorry there aren’t always easy answers and you question whether you are wanted.
In many ways I am Just. Plain. Sorry.
And I can see the pain in your eyes when these things come up. Like when you ask me if I can see some blond in your brown hair like your other mommy has, trying to find commonalities with her, a connection. I see the struggle. And I wish I could take it away. Even if it meant that your other parents would have been able to care for you forever. I am sorry that they couldn’t. Even if it means you would not be here with me. I would want what would have been easiest for you.
I love you so much.
But there are also some things that I am not sorry about. I am not sorry that you are here now. I am not sorry that you are my child. I am not, ever, sorry that you came.
In many ways I am Just. Plain. Sorry.
And I can see the pain in your eyes when these things come up. Like when you ask me if I can see some blond in your brown hair like your other mommy has, trying to find commonalities with her, a connection. I see the struggle. And I wish I could take it away. Even if it meant that your other parents would have been able to care for you forever. I am sorry that they couldn’t. Even if it means you would not be here with me. I would want what would have been easiest for you.
I love you so much.
But there are also some things that I am not sorry about. I am not sorry that you are here now. I am not sorry that you are my child. I am not, ever, sorry that you came.
Photo by Garrett Gill on Flickr. |
Today we are once again sharing with you some wonderful links to inspire and encourage you this weekend, as well as some amazing sites we've been honored to share at this past week.
Check them out, leave a comment, share and enjoy!
-The Girls of TRE
Expectations and Emotions: Behind the Anger. by Marisa Beth O'Connor
Nancy's White Chicken Chili by Nancy Holte
I'm a Recovering Perfectionist by Kristin Demery
Why I Stopped Dieting by Kristin Gordley
Chronicles of Change by Tabby Finton
A Light in Our Loss by Esther Aspling
I can list on one hand the Christmas and birthday presents I remember receiving as a child. Polly Pockets rated pretty high, along with the orange-and-white striped cat that I begged for relentlessly after spying it at Reed Drug. But equally important in my birthday memories are the way my Mom would make beef stroganoff and strawberry cake, even though strawberries weren’t in season at the end of October.
It's a reminder to me that it's just as important to recognize and celebrate life in the little things, too. As we start a new year, and dream big dreams, may we not forget that our everyday acts of loving, speaking, nurturing, encouraging – matter just as much as the "big" things.
It's a reminder to me that it's just as important to recognize and celebrate life in the little things, too. As we start a new year, and dream big dreams, may we not forget that our everyday acts of loving, speaking, nurturing, encouraging – matter just as much as the "big" things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons