Oh dear. It is finally spring in Minnesota, and the neighbors on three sides of me have been busy edging, cutting, and spraying their grass. When I drive by their homes, I see lush carpets of green covering their lots. Their lawns look almost fake, they are so beautiful. Their children are grown, and they have the luxury of hunting down every stray clover, every last crabgrass and waging war against any green thing without the word "fescue" in its name.
My lawn, on the other hand, is what I would call "bio-diverse." With young children and busy jobs, my husband and I these past five years have barely had the time and energy to run a mower around the yard on a weekly basis, much less primp and pamper our grass. Because I have a healthy (or not) paranoia of pesticides and chemicals, I refuse to spray the yard. Our lawn turns into a beautiful carpet of yellow each spring when the dandelions start to bloom. I've tried to dig them out by hand -- the "green" way to handle such an infestation -- and gave up. The "bloom" lasts for two weeks and during that time, we mow repeatedly to prevent the yellow carpet from going to seed. As the bloom fades, the dandelions turn green and just add to our motley carpet of weedy greenery. While I wait for the bloom to subside, I cringe at what the neighbors must think.
Abe's good friend, Jonny Batman. |
Oh, I know I have no real superhuman powers, no ability to
fly or inordinate amount of physical strength, but I find that I want to rescue
people just the same. This has been true since I was quite young when my dad
lovingly coined me, “Kendra: Defender of the weak.” I’ve always been someone
who likes to fight for the underdog, meet a need, or jump on board a cause. And
these are not bad things, in fact, they can be very good things.
I got Elle in the mail this week. Bemused, I looked at it twice to make sure it had my name on it. Yes, that was me. It took me a few minutes to realize I mistakenly thought I ordered Elle Décor (which I love), not Elle. Good thing it was only $5 for the year.
There’s a reason I usually don’t buy fashion magazines. I stopped doing it back in college when I realized that I always felt depressed and discontent after reading them. I would see all the beautiful people that I wanted to be and things I wanted to possess and I thought, This is not worth it.
But its arrival came on the heels of a week where I’ve been thinking a lot about beauty. Our pastor’s Mother’s Day message was on “True Beauty,” and I’ve been thinking about what that means to me.
But even though I privately thought about it, I still hesitated to write this post. Because, let’s face it, no one likes to think that they worry about beauty or could ever be considered vain. Maybe they secretly sing the lyrics to “I’m Sexy and I Know It” or “You’re So Vain” in the shower (I’m more of a whatever-they’re-singing-on-The-Voice kind of a girl, myself), but nobody thinks – Yes, that’s me. Totally vain.
And then last month I felt convicted about it, in a funny-now but not-so-funny-then kind of way.
There’s a reason I usually don’t buy fashion magazines. I stopped doing it back in college when I realized that I always felt depressed and discontent after reading them. I would see all the beautiful people that I wanted to be and things I wanted to possess and I thought, This is not worth it.
But its arrival came on the heels of a week where I’ve been thinking a lot about beauty. Our pastor’s Mother’s Day message was on “True Beauty,” and I’ve been thinking about what that means to me.
Noelle, pondering her own considerable beauty |
And then last month I felt convicted about it, in a funny-now but not-so-funny-then kind of way.
I’m a mediocre mom. There, I said it. I feel so much better.
Well, sort of. Let me explain.
In the past few weeks I’ve had other moms comment to me about how I must be so much more
patient than they are because not only do we have our own children, but often foster children as well.
In the past few weeks I’ve had other moms comment to me about how I must be so much more
patient than they are because not only do we have our own children, but often foster children as well.
I’ve heard comments such as “I would love to do foster care,
but I already get so mad with my own kids,” or “Oh, you‘re just gifted to do
this!” or “You’re just so loving!” And I smile and say “thanks,” not sure quite
how to respond.
Because the truth is that I don’t have a lot of patience. I have
a tendency to get frustrated very easily with my kids. Sometimes I yell. I’ve
been known to tell my kids to “leave me alone, mommy needs a minute.” I could
never home school my children, because the half-hour of homework each night right
now is enough to send me through the roof and receive a sideways glance from
Kyle as he asks, “Why are you so mad?” To which I respond, “I don’t know!”
I see moms on social media who love snow days with their kids,
who plan all sorts of wonderful activities and outings, who post pictures and
updates of all these amazing moments with their kids…when all I’m trying to plan
is how I can somehow leave these children for a few moments to go grab a quiet
cup of coffee with a friend.
True confession: I am simply just a mediocre mom. At best.
Last week was tough. I’m not going to lie. We got a call over the weekend that our adopted son’s biological mom had just died. Did I know any relatives they could call to notify? they wondered. I did not. Kyle and I spent the weekend praying about how Donnie would take the news, what we could do to help, and how we’d need to rearrange our schedule to accommodate this most tragic of news.
Having and raising children born of you is hard. Keeping and raising children not born of you is harder still. I have had to discuss things with my children that other parents usually don’t. We’ve talked of death, divorce, addiction, abuse, love, imperfect parents, mental illness, adoption, ongoing relationships with family and more. And all in a way that is very personal to my kids, very personal to me. In the context of it happening to us, to them, not to others outside of our circle that we simply pray for and move on. My children, in many ways, don’t have that luxury.
My adopted children are beautiful. And strong. And imperfect. And broken. And resilient.
My adopted children are beautiful. And strong. And imperfect. And broken. And resilient.
And if you’ve not been in this world, not worked with social workers, guardians, birth parents, counselors, teachers, and others who love these kids, you don’t get to see the goodness, the rightness of the system we call foster care and adoption. Because you often don’t see or don’t know that in the midst of all these hard issues that arise and gut-wrenchingly honest conversations we have, there are moments where God is so close to our brokenness, heaven almost feels tangible. Like we’re being given glimpses through our pain of the peace that only he can offer. And although I know there are many things that have and can go wrong - I’ve seen things I’d rather not share, heard horrific stories and watched as workers did a less-than-mediocre job - let me tell you some things that went right this week. Some moments where heaven touched earth.
*****
*****
Mandy and Donnie working on his poster |
The social worker phones on Wednesday. She’s called the apartment building where their mother resided. Explained who she was, the situation, and then made arrangements to pick up all of their mother's pictures for the boys. “While I’m there, will you ask Donnie if there is any other family heirloom or keepsake I should look for?” she asks. And I hang up thinking, This is not in her job description. She is going above and beyond what is expected to make this easier on the boys. Because she cares. And the gratitude I feel towards her for this simple gesture I cannot say, how grateful I will be years down the road, long after she is gone, for my son to have these mementos of his family. It’s priceless. And I think thank you, Lord, for this glimpse of your goodness.
Watching the balloons as they float away |
And I don’t know what you’re facing today. I don’t know the heartbreak you’ve known. I don’t know the questions you’ve been asked about why you may decide to do hard things, walk an unbeaten path or take a certain risk, but maybe the answer is simply this, maybe you’ve found what I’m beginning to see: When we face what is unlovely, when we advocate for what is right, when we stand by the broken, and allow ourselves to break…we see glimpses of heaven. Come to earth. We see Jesus like we never have before. And I don’t know why, and I’m not all entirely sure how, but for those of us who walk these hard roads I can only say one thing: It’s worth it.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Are you looking for more encouragement for raising families? Have you checked out our books?
Kendra, Julie, and Kristin
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Are you looking for more encouragement for raising families? Have you checked out our books?
Our newest book, 100 Daily Acts of Friendship for Girls, is written specifically for girls ages 8-12 as they navigate friendships in upper elementary and middle school. With a scripture, short story, reflection questions and 50 fun activities to do with you or friends, it's a wonderful way to encourage your daughter, niece, granddaughter, God daughter and her friends to build healthy friendships from an early age.
And our adult friendship devotional, The One Year Daily Acts of Friendship is a perfect compliment to our book for tweens. With a daily scripture, story, and friendship prompt, its encouraging and slightly challenging (in a good way!) as you find, keep, and love your friends.
We've also written two kindness devotionals, The One Year Daily Acts of Kindness and 100 Days of Kindness. They tell the story of how our families embarked on a one-year journey of kindness, and include our successes, failures, and the encouragement you need as a family to incorporate kindness into your own life.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
We would love to walk alongside you in encouragement, inspiration, and community. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram as The Ruth Experience or sign up for our monthly newsletter (no spam, ever), here.
If you already have one of our books and love them, we'd so appreciate it if you leave a review on Amazon.
We're in this together,
Kendra, Julie, and Kristin
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